Reason

Here’s the OED’s definition of Reason.

Now then.

By all meanings of the logic of this definition there is absolutely no reason that I should have sought out this Artist last night, nor rediscovered this song.

Yet, I did.

And yes, I do believe Melanie C. has a beautiful voice.

Is it polished to the nth degree? Yes. Is it stand up and shiny for radio? Yes. But there are other videos wherein you can see her taking over the words, the song, even incrementally. Too many to post, and that isn’t my intention.

Do I believe she came into herself after The Spice Girls?

Yes.

I have a hard time expressing certain things.

I can now be open about the fact that I am have been clinically diagnosed as Depressed. But not easily.

I can say “I was put on five drugs at once, and the only two commercial names I remember are Trazodone and Wellbutrin.” But not easily.

I can now be open about the fact that Coming Out as a Lesbian is 100,000 times easier than Coming Out as someone who has to deal with Mental Illness. (Bonus points for the anxiety!! Triple Score!)

The next big hurdle is Coming Out about the fact that yes, I do have sensual and sexual feelings. The Diana Krall post scared the hell out of me because I was actually admitting to the fact that I.

Feel.

More than just in my fucked up head or in my not so fucked up heart.

And, really? Is it so bad to want to taken over, even for a little while? To get yourself out of your head and just feel, in a good way? To touch, kiss…

*brbrrbgle*

Maybe. So I’ve been told.

I don’t understand anything anymore.

Trouble is I’m a danger to myself.

 

 

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