Shattered (B2)

The standard definition of the word Shattered pretty much reads like this –

  • to break suddenly into many small pieces

  • to damage (something) very badly

The funny thing about how we interpret the word Shattered is this – the assumption that the force for the shattering comes from the outside.

Think about it. What’s shattered? A roof via some sort of cosmic deviation (or a bit of frozen waste ejected from a plane…). A windshield. Glass. Brick, concrete and, yes, even steel under certain conditions. When we speak about a Soul shattering, the language is “Oh, they tried, but they were given too much to deal with”; “They were ok until <X> {left/died/disappeared} and now they’re shattered.”

Physically, mentally, emotionally, the word Shattered can, and does work.

 

It’s rare when you hear talk about someone shattering from the inside out.

 

Shattering from the inside out is…raw. And brutal.

 

It’s as raw as flesh exposed suddenly from a scrape or rug-burn or anything that suddenly strips your outer layers off to leave a stinging, burning, bloody wound. As raw as the crack of a bone fracturing, breaking, ringing in your ears and nauseating your belly.

Shattering in this manner means you’ve chosen to be Open. You’ve turned yourself willingly inside-out, so in your head the easy snarking grin you’ve made your mask turns into a caricature of yourself, and your skin skims off, and all that’s left is the You, and the easy snarking grin becomes…becomes…

Becomes a woman who is gritting her teeth as hard as her Mother and Grandmother (and lords only know who else) did just to survive.

Shattering from the inside out is not only raw, it leaves you vulnerable. Because you’re exposed, flesh, bone, brain, soul, mind, heart, wishes, dreams, demons and all. The crytstal fractures, scudding fissures like quicksilver capillaries under the surface,  the force of your bottled up emotions ever widening them until…

And you know that the sands of time will lash and flay you because you dared to break out.

You will sob and bleed and cry and howl and kick and tantrum and hurt…hurt…fucking hurt.

 

And if you’re lucky…or stupid…or stubborn…or just you…after all that…you’ll wibbily-wobbily sort your feet out, and stand.

You’re Shattered.

Totally. Utterly.

Raw.

And Alive.

One breath, one step, one second at a time from here on out. And when you feel like nothing once again…

Let yourself be Raw.

One breath, one step, one second at a time…

 

 

 

 

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